So my roomie decided to help me fix this. I ordered a Jalapeno Burger (because of course I did), and it was a pretty solid burger! The fries were nice and crispy, the aesthetic was FANTASTIC (I'm a sucker for a vintage diner, especially one with an open kitchen) and the milkshakes were well deserving of their praise. Thick, creamy, but not so thick that I feel you gotta get a spoon out to actually eat the thing, but not so thin that you can suck half of it down without thinking of it.
WE CRUSHED IT. It was fucking tasty, and I definitely get the hype! The crew were awful obliging and friendly, considering I was geeking out and taking so many pictures. Like, the guy working the expo station especially was happy to answer all of my ridiculous questions and was very amused by obnoxiousness. I want to blame the sugar from the milkshakes, but really, it was the aesthetic I was geeking out about.
I really like retro diners, okay? It's a weakness.